Conservative Movie Reviews
Dissecting 2018’s hottest movie reviews courtesy of the National Review.
Why would you do this.
Growing up in the Boise suburb of Meridian, Idaho, receiving an Evangelical, conservative education, I had a lot of right wing truisms hammered into my brain. One of the biggest truisms was that Hollywood was filled with elite liberals who hate America, white people, our president (assuming that president was a Republican), and that they were indoctrinating the youth of America with leftist politics. As a nominal conservative and a huge movie nerd, I was torn. I cringed at the line in Anchorman when they said Brick Tamland went on to work for the Bush White House, but I still watched it 100 times. I prayed that my Dad wouldn’t learn that Matt Damon advocated for gun control so I could still watch the Bourne movies out in the open.
Looking back, now an avowed lefty, it’s pretty hilarious to think that Hollywood was or is “leftist.” Sure, most prominent voices in Hollywood are capital D democrats, and still take their speech time on stage to parrot whatever they heard on Maddow the night before about Russia, but Hollywood is just as craven a capitalist industry as any other. They still aren’t as woke as they like to think they are, and once I removed myself from the pro-wrestling element of partisan politics, it was easy to see right wing outrage against Hollywood for what it is: political theater to fire up their base and further provide the most privileged and powerful people in America with a regular supply of victim cards.
However, the reputation persists. Conservative film critics put out articles annually about the “best conservative movies of the year” or “movies you can still show your children.” These articles are harmless enough. The Blaze has to drive clickbait just like the rest of us. As I was thinking about what to write about for this piece, I was trawling these articles to find an actual movie with a conservative message that I could lampoon. I didn’t want to write about Clint Eastwood because his movies are decidedly less conservative than he is. And I didn’t want to write about anything by people like Dinesh D’souza because I love myself and value my time.
Once I stumbled upon Kyle Smith’s piece in the National Review titled “Ten Conservative Movies That Hit Home in 2018” I stopped my search. I had found my muse. Below are the three most demented entries in the piece. I’m not going to link to it because I don’t want to transmit radioactive material through the internet.
Third most demented entry: Black Panther
Now, I really loved Black Panther. Barring the obligatory terrible third act action sequence, this movie was the most thematically rich, emotionally true Marvel movie that they’ve made to date. So I was surprised when I saw Smith call it a “terrifically entertaining and smart blockbuster.” His argument for why it is conservative essentially boils down to: the villain Killmonger (played to great effect by Michael B. Jordan) espouses a radical worldview that he sees as that of a leftist revolutionary. To a certain respect, he’s right. Killmonger does call for a race war in which African countries utilize the technology of his home country Wakanda to conquer western civilization and establish a new world order. But what Smith fails to realize is that writer/director Ryan Coogler is sympathetic to Killmonger’s view of racial justice in principle.
No one who made Fruitvale Station, a movie about the true story of a black man who was killed by the police in Oakland (where Coogler is from), as their feature directorial debut could credibly be considered a black conservative. Coogler simply wanted Killmonger to have what most great movie villains have: a coherent, persuasive worldview that has curdled into something obviously violent and evil. On top of that, King T’Challa (the Black Panther, played by Chadwick Boseman) ends the movie by implementing a pretty standard liberal policy of open borders and free trade, undoing centuries of Wakandan tradition. Maybe Smith stopped paying attention by that point.
Second most demented entry: Mary Poppins Returns
The conservative case for this movie is more understandable. The remake of a 60 year old movie about white English people was bound to tickle some conservatives’ fancy. The warmest thing Smith has to say about the movie, however, is essentially that it’s old and boring:
“…there’s no attempt whatsoever to make this long-aborning sequel contemporary, hip, or in touch with the (alleged) fixations of today’s youth. It’s a children’s movie for old people, as is only right: Children should learn from the old rather than the other way around.”
Sounds lit dude. Smith writes like he hasn’t spoken to a 10 year old since he was one.
But the reason this entry is more demented than Black Panther is the final line:
“…it also defends the old British class system by portraying the working-class lamplighters and nannies as loyal allies to the upper-class layabouts who employ them.”
Did the butler from Downton Abbey write this? Jesus, the term “bootlicker” doesn’t even begin to describe it.
The most demented entry: First Reformed
(Light spoilers)
This entry, like Black Panther, falls into the “retweets are not endorsements” category. Smith doesn’t seem to grasp that filmmakers can portray negative events or people taking negative actions in order to speak to a greater truth that may not match up with a literal reading of the plot. First Reformed (directed by Paul Schrader) is about an alcoholic, severely depressed reverend (played in a career best performance by Ethan Hawke) who realizes that American Evangelical Christianity carries water for big industry and, by extension, contributes to the inevitability of catastrophic climate change. Based on that knowledge, the reverend endeavors to take dramatic, violent action. Whatever that sounds like, it doesn’t sound conservative right? Well, here’s what Smith had to say about it:
“Schrader’s film is a reflection on the desperate scramble for false gods that happens in a rudderless post-Christian culture.”
I honestly try really hard not to do the “did you even watch the movie?” thing when I disagree with someone’s reading of the movie. That said, Smith is either intentionally talking out of his ass in order to find a 10th “conservative” movie to round out his list, or he has a baby brain that genuinely believes that one person’s bad actions invalidates that person’s worldview. Why not both? ■
The Local Law Boy grew up in Meridian and currently resides in Boise. He has spent time working in the criminal justice system, which left a sado-sexual trench in his psyche. He is an avowed movie buff.