Under Maintenance
Photo by Benjamin David Trieu
I've had things broken in my brain.
Busted pipes, corrupted files, and feral beasts bent upon self consumption
Crack my cranium open for proof
See the claw marks scraped into the edge of their cage
I've had times when poetry did not come, words would not flow
Days when the only words rolling out the rusted gumball machine of my brain were flaming sea urchins.
Months when miasma was missing me, so'd regularly drop in without notice.
Eternities in anti-serenity with numbness devouring all sunbeams straggling underfoot; eyes unfocused on all the wrong things
I'd practice my backfloat
In the tempest at the bottom of a dozen seas,
No worse place to be
No better place for me.
One day I'll shoot the moon
Lasso the sun
Pull myself up by those glowing threads
You left like a shining road for me.
I don't know what it was all for,
But I've never met someone who can hold their breath so patiently
Most consume it without a first, second, or third thought
I hold my breath
In my hands
Weigh if I should take it, or offer it to others
It is always both - In and Out
I did not come with all parts required for a functioning brain.
I came with a fecund field for cultivating ideas
My heart was not full of love,
Didn't know the taste of blood.
It was all seeds and sprouts for growing
Do not sit and wait for a garden to bloom in your chest
It is already there
Under layers of debris and weeds.
Get on your knees
And tear away the terrors choking out the sun
Brambles constricting and withering your heart.
Caring is the only amendment your garden needs.
It is yours and yours alone to tend
Nothing more gratifying than this work
Nothing more beautiful than blooming love
Although you may not see it
You are already blooming more than you believe
Paw your way past partitions and find your petals
Do not pluck them, hold them close, protect them
Help them grow into the you you've always seen way up in the stars
They are already inside of you
Please
Hold their hand
As you both tend that bounty of blossoms
That is already
You
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Ben Trieu is a Poet, Engineer, Permaculturalist, Armchair Philosopher, Avid Bicyclist, Anti-Abstruseobfuscatingesotericist, Community Organizer, ex-Depressed Person, Juggler, and Friend that believes we all have worth and beauty and joy within ourselves and does his best to show that to himself and everyone he knows and meets with his writings, projects, and facial expressions. If you're interested in all that stuff, or simply like poetry, feel free to shoot him a message or strike up a conversation at bent4531@gmail.com. Keep on being awesome ^_^